


Essence

by salemforshort



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Episode: s11e11 Into the Mystic, Gay yearning, Love, M/M, Other, Romance, Satan - Freeform, Season 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 11:22:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20929394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salemforshort/pseuds/salemforshort
Summary: "He knew when he possessed the angel that it would be different. Angels were stronger than humans, and their consciousnesses took up their homes in a different place. But the expectation was that an angel would create less emotional interference, since they tended not to think for themselves.But not Castiel."Set in Season 11 Episode 11, "Into the Mystic" because I'm behind and because there was just so much wasted potential in this scene.





	Essence

Angels weren’t supposed to feel. Not like this.

Loyalty, yes. Loyalty had been programmed into the angels, an assurance to their father that they would not disobey. Loyalty was God’s leash.

A code of honor, yes. Angels were to serve God’s creations, and God’s creations could not be served if they could not trust. Trust was built on clear morals and honesty and keeping to one’s word. Righteousness could easily be mistaken for sympathy when humanity looked into the eyes of Heaven.

Love, however. Love was a wild card. Love was a loose screw. Love was a stray variable and God had made a miscalculation.

Love was, in Lucifer’s opinion, annoying.

It was a minor change at first, a subtle sense of wholeness, a gentle pulsing beat like the heart he didn’t need, pumping warmth into the tips of his constantly frozen fingers. It was a little tug. A little tie to a humanity that Lucifer didn’t have, or like, and for that matter barely recognized.

He knew when he possessed the angel that it would be different. Angels were stronger than humans, and their consciousnesses took up their homes in a different place. But the expectation was that an angel would create less emotional interference, since they tended not to think for themselves.

But not Castiel.

It hit him the worst when he was alone with Dean.

The throbbing took on a name. _Dean. _

_Dean_.

_Dean._

“But why couldn’t you kill her?” Amara. Dean had missed his chance.

“I don’t know, man, I just…” Dean looked up from the papers he had begun to sift through, eager to help. Lucifer had never seen Dean look so open. So vulnerable. Not even with Sam. His eyes opened and begged for his angel.

It tugged at something inside of Lucifer. It tugged at Castiel’s essence.

“Was it… attraction?”

Dean said nothing.

Was that a twinge of jealousy? Lucifer didn’t get jealous. He had no reason to be. Ever.

He frowned, channeling the most sympathetic voice he could muster. “Oh, Dean.”

Oh, Dean. Love makes you weak. Love makes you falter.

Oh, Dean.

How will I ever keep this up?

“Attraction, connection, whatever it is, it scares me, man. I don’t know that I can stop it. I don’t know that I can resist it.”

Dean, you trust too much. Lucifer put his hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed. Dean looked startled.

Too much, too soon. _I see how it is, little brother_.

“Hey, it scares me too.” _Sappier_. Lucifer mirrored the expression on Dean’s face. “But we will find out what this is, I promise,” he said, as if he didn’t already know that it was Dean’s pathetic, disgusting desire for sex. “And in the end, it may draw her out. This could be a good thing.”

_No_.

It was as if a dam broke in Lucifer’s consciousness, flooding his chest and his thoughts, and —

He swallowed it back into his throat as Dean nodded slowly, shame and loss and confusion evident, and then the phone rang, and Dean reached into his pocket —

And Lucifer — no, Castiel — almost reached out. He ached to put his hand over Dean’s and steal one last moment before Sam reentered the equation —

But it was only a split second. Dean answered the phone. And Lucifer still stood there, unmoving, easily pushing back the tide of Castiel as Dean walked away.

Lucifer turned so Castiel could watch him disappear, so Castiel could see that Dean did not look back, was unaware of what had almost passed between them in that quarter of a second, did not linger to make it last longer.

His lips twitched in the faintest outline of a grin; he couldn’t help himself.

_ Oh, little brother. Oh, foolish angel. You are no soldier. What have you become?_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it!  
Constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated.  
I may write a follow up...


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